The Beginning of the End
by Kinda.Sorta.Insane
Summary: Things weren't quite right in Abby's world after Kate died. And healing, though possible, still takes time.


The Beginning of the End

When we met, it wasn't love at first sight. It was pretty close though. She was shy and maybe just a bit withdraw. And I don't usually like them that way. No, I usually like them loud and proud, someone who can keep up with me and my ways and return them. She could keep up though. No one can say that she couldn't. Maybe she wasn't like the rest of the people I went after, but she was special. The best I ever had. All I'd ever wanted, even though I hadn't known it at the time.

I wish I had.

_You took my hand_

_You showed me how_

_You promised me you'd be around_

_That's right_

_I took your words_

_And I believed_

_In everything_

_You said to me_

_Yeah_

_That's right_

She showed me that love didn't have to be fast and hard. It could be soft and sweet too. I'd never known that though, after all I almost always went after the same type of people. The ones who liked it hard and fast. She was different though. And, for once, I like different. And when I fell in love with her, I knew it would last. Or, I thought it would. So did she. So, when I said forever, she readily agreed. And it was nice.

Loving and being loved.

It was an addiction that consumed me way more than Caf-Pow ever could.

And I liked it that way.

We both did.

_If someone said three years from now_

_You'd be long gone_

_I'd stand up and punch them out_

_Cause they're all wrong_

_I know better_

_Cause you said forever_

_And ever_

_Who knew_

And I thought, we both thought, that it would last forever. No one could've guessed that it would ever end. Really. They couldn't. Not because we got along so well or anything, 'cause we didn't actually get along all the time, but because they never even knew that there was a _we_. An _us_. An anything. They didn't know. And, if by any random chance they knew, they never said a word. Not even Gibbs. And I, we, knew that he knew. 'Cause he knows everything.

And even though we didn't always get along, that didn't mean that I had ever stopped loving her. No matter how mad I was. I never stopped. Not for a second.

So when I, we, went to a fair to have some childish fun, we didn't expect anything that the palm reader lady said would be bad. But we were wrong.

"You don't have much time left… Have fun while you can."

She knew…

Without a doubt, I know now that she knew.

But then…

Then…

I didn't know then.

Neither did Kate.

_Remember when we were such fools_

_And so convinced and just too cool_

_Oh no_

_No no_

_I wish I could touch you again_

_I wish I could still call you friend_

_I'd give anything_

We gave each other nervous smiles and didn't venture further than a few feet away for the rest of the night. I was still a bit jumpy in the morning…

I pleaded with her to call in sick.

Begged and begged…

Eventually we both went in, albeit a little late.

I remember getting nothing done that day. I jumped at every little noise. I kept my music off.

I just about started crying when I heard that Team Gibbs had another dead marine. Worried and worried until they were back. Unharmed.

The weeks went by. I slowly began to relax again. Thought that the fortune was wrong.

Should've listened.

Now I just wish I spent more time with her. Wish I'd told her I loved her a little more, gotten mad a little less.

Just that little bit more…

_When someone said count your blessings now_

_'Fore they're long gone_

_I guess I just didn't know how_

_I was all wrong_

_They knew better_

_Still you said forever_

_And ever_

_Who knew_

But still… I told Gibbs two days after. Broke down a cried. Shed every single last tear I had. Told him the whole story. Our whole story. He was unsurprised of course. Just like I knew he'd be. Like we knew he'd be when we finally worked up the courage to tell him… How I wish I'd just listened to her. Or at the very least given in. Told them all just like she wanted me to.

I wish I'd been just that little bit braver…

Gibbs understood though. He comforted me with the words he never spoke. I know he was thinking them though. And that was enough…

He said that there was nothing I could've done short of keeping her inside for the rest of her life…

Nothing.

And then I cried more tears that I didn't know existed.

_Yeah yeah_

_I'll keep you locked in my head_

_Until we meet again_

_Until we_

_Until we meet again_

_And I won't forget you my friend_

_What happened_

I wasn't surprised when you showed up in my lab, clad in black. But… I wasn't exactly comforted either. Your visit only forced me to pull myself together, lest you are saddened by me. I couldn't handle the thought of you getting mad at me… Not even in death.

And I held on to your memory for dear life. I rejected harshly any and every woman that dared intrude on my space. My space, which also happened to belong to you. And you alone.

And I resented Ziva David. Hated her even. Purposely tried to make her uncomfortable, embarrassed, mad. Anything. Anything at all. I didn't want her trying to take your spot. Your place. Not in the bullpen. Not in our work family. Not in my world. Not anywhere. When you left, you left a vast and dark void. A big gaping ache that nothing could fill. Where the sun didn't shine and music didn't play. Where nothing and everything happened at once. An abyss that couldn't and wouldn't be filled. I miss you…

_If someone said three years from now_

_You'd be long gone_

_I'd stand up and punch them out_

_Cause they're all wrong and_

_That last kiss_

_I'll cherish_

_Until we meet again_

_And time makes_

_It harder_

_I wish I could remember_

_But I keep_

_Your memory_

_You visit me in my sleep_

And, while this isn't our whole story, after all it doesn't have a beginning or middle, it is a story. A version of a story that will undoubtedly be told multiple times from multiple perspectives to multiple people. It's the end of our story. And the beginning of another… And I still miss you. And I still love you. But that love has changed a bit. And the hole you left is slowly but surely being fixed. I'll never be all the way whole again, but I'll get past it. Even as you haunt my life, in waking and sleeping. Even as I love again, I'll still miss you. And I'll still muse upon what we had. And I'll wait, just a little impatiently, until we meet again.


End file.
